I had the distinct honour of being able to share a part of my story at Illuminate on Friday night. Everyone's story is completely different and mine is no exception. I share it in the hope that others will be able to read it, understand it and hopefully be impacted in a way that brings people into a deeper relationship with Jesus. Enjoy and feel free to comment or raise questions.
Our memory verse at Illuminate for Term 3 2009 is from 1 Timothy 4:12, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity". This had been a verse that I felt God put on my heart and I want to make sure that all the Illuminators understand that there is nothing stopping them from working in God's strength. Our theme this term is that "It's not what you can't do...it's what you can!"
My story is one quite similar to many others and I hope one of the reason it resonates is that it is so very...normal. In the world's eyes, there would be almost nothing unusual about it. In high school I was not super-popular, but had plenty of friends and nor was a nerd. I guess you could call me middle-class. I wasn't a major drug abuser, I wasn't beaten up, wasn't captain of the football team, wasn't a goodie-two-shoes, wasn't perfect. I lived through a lot that was normal in the culture I was a part of.
I was born on September 25th, 1981. I was then given away on November 2nd, 1981. I was adopted. The first miracle God did in my life was allowing my parents to give birth to me, helping them make the brave decision to give me up for adoption rather than abort me. For that I will be forever grateful to them. My adoptive parents - the only parents I've ever known - were fantastic about it, always making me feel their child, not an added part of the family. Furthermore, they were always open to me about the fact that I was adopted and that they'd brought me into their family. For that reason I felt chosen, special, blessed - and I suppose I was. A brief overview of my life: attended kindergarten, Tea Tree Gully primary school and then Pembroke during my high school years. English and maths were my strong points at school and I was tagged early on as a highly gifted child - something that would come to play a strong role in how I developed in my later teen years. I was an absolute sponge for knowledge and information and really, still am. I played basketball and table tennis as a child at school - table tennis being inexplicably popular at TTGPS - and did a bit of piano and even dabbled briefly in clarinet. My mother raised me to believe in God and took me along to her church with her for the first 13-14 years of my life. Brougham Place Uniting Church is a beautiful, big, old church in North Adelaide with lovely, faithful worshippers, but at the time I attended it had no ministry for youth and was a traditional, 'boring' service. My small group of friends who attended with me all tried to leave as quickly as we could once we hit our teen years. One thing that mum taught me at this time really stayed with me though: I could pray to God for anything, at any time.
Primary school was an absolute breeze for me. I was top of every class - I'm not just saying that, I really was - and it led me to expect that I should be top of everything I attempted in life. Obviously I encountered a bit of failure as a child (athletics was an example. My body is not built for sprinting or high jump) but all in areas where I could overlook it. Anything I showed promise in, especially academics and sports, demanded perfection.
Attending an elite academics high school was a big shock for me. No longer the big fish in a little pond, I was a shrimp in a freshwater river the size of the Amazon, where all the other fish were barracudas with 145 IQ's. I couldn't coast any more, couldn't rely on natral ability to get me past all the obstacles and my grades started slipping a bit until I finally learned how tostudy hard for my year 12 exams. I graduated with a TER in the 90's and after a year off, attended Adelaide University to study commerce. I graduated with a Bachelor of Commerce and a Diploma of Market Research in 2003.
All this seems pretty straightforward. I succeeded, right? Ticked all the boxes? Wrong. The gifted tag weighed heavily on me. I felt that I had been put on a pedestal, that nothing less than perfection in school, university, sports and relationships would do. The result was that I could never be happy with anything less than perfection and if I tried and failed, the result was depression and some suicidal thinking. I also started binge drinking pretty hard in my later teen years (16-20 or so) and I don't want to minimise or embellish the importance of what happened here. The depression was a result of what I had set myself up for, the drinking was purely cultural. It was what my friends were doing and so I did the same. It also isn't possible to emphasise enough how good my parents were. They honestly never put me on a pedestal, never demanded more than I could give and were always willing to let me try new things. It was the burden of my expectations that caused me to get caught up in what I couldn't do, rather than what I could.
I attempted to live for now and only now, yet I still wanted and expected a perfect future.
You cannot have perfection when you choose worldly imperfection.
Perfection is in Christ alone - when you choose drinking, parties and even the wrong uni course over God's plan for you, things go the wrong way in your life.
I wasted a year of my life working at McDonald's, then another 3 years of my life studying something that I didn't enjoy and that I came to realise I had no interest in pursuing in the long term. All of this led to 2003 - a real watershed year for me.
I had left Brougham Place by the time I was 15 and hadn't bothered to search for a new church. Church was out-dated and irrelevant to me and I had no idea it could be different to what I had experienced. I did, however, have a close group of friends (Jeremy and Craig Wilson, Brett Steinert, Shannon Macaitis) who I had grown up with and who were attending a nearby church called Pedare Uniting. When I was about 19 or 20, they encouraged me to come along. I also had another friend from uni called Cal Iles attending the same church. He later became my best man. I fell in love with the journey and before my 21st birthday was reglarly attending.
- - -God had been working in me all this time - - -
I began to realise, through my encounters with God at Pedare and the people who attended, all of the things I never knew that I always wanted. Everyone has fears that threaten to overcome them at times. Mine were loneliness and feeling unworthy, that I would not be capable of meeting expectations - expectations that I did not realise came from me and me alone.
* The psychological isolation of being an only child was overcome by the strength of my friendships, the truest friends I could ever know. The above guys, along with another mate called Sim Jones, were the real catalysts to beginning my relationship with Jesus Christ.
* My fears of being unloved and unworthy, that sunk me in deep depression, were met by my girlfriend, a beautiful woman of faith and courage who loved a guy I thought was unlovable and ultimately even married him!
* New passions, hopes, ideals and futures were created by my encounter with Pedare Uniting Church. That became The Journey Uniting Church, the very church I still attended now.
What had changed?
I personally had a strong encounter with God during a sermon at Pedare, spoken by a gifted speaker, Luke Greaves. Luke was talking about 'road signs' in our time as a Christian, including Stop, Give Way, Slow and Traffic Lights. Something really hit me at this time and during the incredible worship music and I broke down and began to cry. Very embarrassing, but such is the way of the Holy Spirit. When it is letting you know that something is happening, sometimes you just cry.
I began to understand mercy, grace and forgiveness and why they were needed. This is something you really can't get properly until you have this encounter. This took me on a journey of asking forgiveness from a lot of people, particularly those close to me. Again, this was difficult and a little embarrassing, but so worthwhile in the long run.
I became part of a community that loved each other and part of a vibrant, growing church that valued what each individual person's relationship with Jesus meant to them. Somewhere in all of this, I began to form my theology that every person has a story, a different story that is completely unique to them and has the distinct imprint of God upon it.
- - - I started to change my perspective from self-centred, to Christ-centred. - - -
The wish to meet Jesus changes us naturally. There's no need to force it, it just happens as you centre your world on a man who centred his world on love, for God IS love. Sharing love (and toys, and candy) can be hard for an only child but it began to happen.
Philippians 4:13 became a very important verse to me, "I can achieve all things through Christ who strengthens me". The stigma of expectation I had placed on myself started to fade as I realised that all things are possible, just not in my own strength. Only in the strength of my saviour could I achieve the unthinkable and at the same time release myself of expectations that were far beyond my own personal abilities. An incredibly powerful realisation.
Some people choose not to follow God because they feel He will restrict them too much. My God is a God of freedom. I am free to think differently, love stronger and risk more because of the faith I have in His perfection. My relationship with God does not take away what I love and desire, but it enhances it.
* I still love sports, but God uses that. My friend Brandon, now a committed Christian and a great man of faith, stands in faith today in part because of the group of guys he played fantasy NBA with that I was a part of.
* I still love learning and knowledge but God uses that. I work as a Christian Pastoral Support Worker, in Out of School Hours Care, as a School Services Officer and as a Youth Leader and get to share knowledge and disciple and encourage young people to do the same. By helping them to meet Jesus I get to give a little bit of the love back that He first gave me.
* I still love my friends and family, but God uses that. He uses me, as He made me, to be an example to friends who need to know Him and can see something different in my life. He used me to be a part of bringing several of my friends to Christ and I believe my prayers were a part of helping my dad to be in a closer relationship with God.
Romans 8:23 says that "we, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as His adopted children".
You see, I get that! I've been there and been adopted and I understand that because of the way my parents gave me full rights. I was never an outcast, I was always the child they dreamed of having and couldn't do it on their own. How much more are you that child for God!
God has given me literally everything I hoped for. A wife, daughter, house, loving friends and family and a job I love. But it's not enough, because with Jesus in your life THERE IS ALWAYS MORE.
This story continues for me. So many don't know the gospel, don't understand the story of Jesus, don't know the sheer, powerful DEPTH of God's love. So many are still burdened, not just with expectation and depression, but with drug afflictions, broken relationships, stolen childhoods and embattled families that tear at their hearts and souls. Jesus heals. Our Heavenly Father individually formed each one of us in His image. Jeremiah 1:5 says, "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb". For me, there are many more chances to explore my passions, inlcuding two big risk-takers, mountain climbing and writing. And I still have a whole other family out there somewhere, waiting to be met. So many more adventures are left in my life.
I realise that I can't promise that every person will be as blessed as I am. I also realise that I've glossed over a lot of events in my life, both good and bad. I don't have time to write down every story that's ever been told in my life, but I can tell you that no matter who you are, your story can start right now if you let it be so. Repent of your sins, tell Jesus that you love Him and long to be in a relationship with Him, then believe that you are forgiven and let go of all that you've been clinging to. There is freedom in this way in a way that there is no freedom in the world.
1 John 4:19 says this, "We love each other, because He loved us first". That love is available to all of us if we show some faith, take a risk and simply believe. You won't have my life - you have an entirely different story to write - but you will be profoundly changed for the better by the experience.
I offer you five things to remember once you begin this journey, that if you do them all, will impact you deeply.
1) PRAY. Always talk to God in times of need.
2) WORSHIP. Spend time listening to music and praising and worshipping God.
3) BIBLE. Read the Bible consistently, daily if possible. Be fed by the Word.
4) CHURCH. Be in a faith community. Namely church, but smallgroups/youth groups as well.
5) FRIENDS. Build a friendship group who will encourage and love you in the right ways and whom you can encourage and love right back.
May you encounter our Creator in a way that lets you know you are worthy, loved and unique. May you understand that His imprint is distinct upon your life.
May you wake up each day and know that God will never, ever stop loving you and that He has already paved the way for you to love Him back and share His kingdom for eternity.
Blessings to you all. May your story be the one you'd always dreamed of through Christ.
Mike
Sunday, August 2, 2009
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